Day 35

I’m Back

Okay I’m back in the game. After a much needed rest over the weekend. I made it to the gym yesterday morning and did my cardio for 45 minutes. Then this morning I made it to the gym again and worked out my legs. Woo hoo! And guess how much I weigh now? 139! I lost 5 pounds! That’s a total of 6 pounds :)

While I was really depressed and did not make it to the gym for like 5 WHOLE days…at least I did not falter on my diet. It was tough. Because my husband went to do a job about 4 hours away over the weekend and took the car. So I was depressed and stranded in the house and alone for like 2 ½ days. (we live in the middle of nowhere so I couldn’t even walk anywhere).

I have never been so tired IN MY LIFE. I am exhausted from the move, physically and mentally. My legs ache everyday.

Seeing as I'm so stressed and that it's that special time of year where there are candies, pies and chocolates EVERYWHERE...I'm going to give myself a 1/2 cheat day today and tomorrow. I'm going to continue to eat my healthy food as planned, but I can have a few bites or pieces of the goodies.

Day 30

Tuesday’s Intake:
BW: whole wheat toast with fat free cottage cheese
AW: Protein powder w/ water
S: grilled tofu, ½ cucumber, tomatoes, vinaigrette
L: Kashi Go Lean cereal, light soy milk, protein w/ water, broccoli/carrots w/ ICBINB spray
S: blueberries, fat free cottage cheese, cinnamon, 1 oz. almonds
D: Frozen diet meal: creamed spinach and chicken

Yesterday’s Intake:
B: whole wheat toast with fat free cottage cheese
S: grilled tofu, ½ cucumber, tomatoes, vinaigrette, ½ avocado
S: protein w/ water, grapefruit w/ Splenda
D: Regular Sized Jamba Juice (strawberries, soy milk, ice, protein powder), beans w/ Calorie Free BBQ sauce

Rolling with the Punches:
It seems like life is just really beating me up lately. I’m just so stressed out about the office move, I’ve been working my BUTT off every day at work physically and mentally…I just am numb. Every morning I wake up I feel like I’m walking back in the ring again, ready to get slugged in the stomach over and over with one thing after another all day. I skipped the gym Wednesday and today because of this and I missed church last night. My life was stressful enough before this move; I was always running around running errands on my lunch breaks and heading straight to church after work…that is normal. But now I’ve just been pushed over the edge.

What’s the WORST part is I am doing about 95% of the packing/sorting/dumping/recycling work for the office move. For about 15 minutes total each day other employees have helped me out. That’s it. I’m an office manager, not a hard laborer. This is not my forte. I’m not used to have to lift heavy boxes and bins up and down flights of stairs and up and down 12 foot ladders. I’m exhausted. Every inch of me. I realize I’m the office manager and that’s why I’m the one who’s taking on most of this. But I certainly did not think that with 5 business days before the move I would STILL be the only one getting stuff together for the move, I thought everyone would be working on it by now. There is this one girl in the office who has told everyone: “I’m not lifting one box for this move, it’s not in my job description”. It makes me sick.

I’m expected to get all this move stuff done AND my normal job at the same time. I’m the receptionist so I’ve been carrying around my cordless phone answering all incoming phone calls at the same time I’m doing all of this! I’ve also been handling changing our address with all of our vendors, canceling/changing contracts, interviewing moving companies, researching storage units, meeting with the new landlord and getting all the bugs in the lease worked out, transferring phone lines….IT’S TOO MUCH.

Yesterday someone came up to me about a list that needs to be compiled of the companies we will be sending our “We’re Moving” postcards too. The way she was talking to me was as if I had absolutely nothing else to do but work on that one project. She’s like “We need to stop dragging our feet on this, this needs to be done by Friday”…I’m like, there are about five two-day projects I need to have done by Friday! I can’t do them all! How dare she say that I was dragging my feet! I’ve been working my butt off!!!!

I’ve also had a lot of personal business to attend to which has been using up my lunch breaks: DMV, changing my auto insurance, hair cut, grocery shopping, getting my windshield fixed, etc. So I don’t even get a real lunch break. This is what happened yesterday so I basically didn’t eat lunch and just scarfed down my afternoon snack instead. Then I was so hungry and tired after work, I went to Jamba Juice. I get home and I have 10 minutes to change for church. I told my husband I didn’t want to go I was too tired. I’m sure he didn’t intend to be mean, but he said something like “I’m tired too and I’m going, my work (he’s a roofer) is always hard and I still go.” It made me SO mad and hurt. So then he goes without me and I ate some beans because I was too tired to prepare anything. Then I went in bed and I couldn’t sleep. My body was exhausted but my mind just kept going and going: worrying, planning, thinking. Maybe it was because I’ve been having one of those 5-hour Energy shots about 3 times a week now so that I can have the energy to get everything done.

I just need a rest. I need to cry. I need to stop being belittled and underappreciated by everyone in my life.

Day 28

Yesterday’s Intake:
BW: whole wheat toast with fat free cottage cheese
AW: Protein powder w/ water
S: grilled tofu, ½ cucumber, tomatoes, vinaigrette, ½ avocado
L: ½ sweet potato, chicken, broccoli/carrots
S: protein w/ water + grapefruit w/ Splenda
D: Kashi Go Lean protein bar

Calorie Math:
Except for Sunday, I seem to be on track with my goal of 1400ish calories a day. Friday, which was a typical day for me, I ate 1420 calories. My cheat day was 2090, which I think is just fine for a cheat day. Sunday continues to be a struggle for me, I never have time to eat enough! Sunday I had 1090 calories, and that was even when I remembered to bring a snack! Yesterday I forgot to ask my hubby to heat up my meal, so when I got home I had 10 minutes to spare and nothing to eat. So I just grabbed the Kashi bar…not great but better than nothing.

Worked with Trainer Today:
Today the trainer at the gym who has offered to help me out went over my Tuesday workouts. He took me over to the “scary” side of the gym that I never have ventured to yet…the free weights area. The area where all the big bodybuilding guys are and small little blonde girls like me are a rare sight. I’ve always been intimidated. But it was nice having the trainer with me to tell me how to use everything and all.

Now I just hope I remember which machines to do and how to do them.
Lets see, first I start with the pulldown machine thing:

Then I do regular bicep curls:

Then I do this seated rowing machine that looks kind of like this:

Then I go back to the free weights and do hammer curls:

Then I do this big machine that I couldn't find a photo of.

Then I do this:

Then I do the bicep machine but only with one arm at a time:

So that's what I'm going to be doing on Tuesdays, my biceps, shoulders and back. I hope I don't make a fool of myself!

I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow! Keep your fingers crossed!

Day 27

We just watched a movie with Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz...talk about thinspo they looked great! And Salma really has some curves too.


Friday’s Intake:
BW: whole wheat toast with fat free cottage cheese
AW: Protein powder w/ waterS: grilled tofu, tomatoes, vinaigrette, broccoli/carrot + blueberries
L: whole wheat pita, grilled chicken, cucumbers, tomatoes, peppercinis, black olives, low fat tzatziki sauce
S: protein w/ water
D: stir fried tofu, broccoli, carrots + baked sweet potato w/ ICBINB spray and cinnamon

Saturday’s Intake (Cheat Day):
B: 1.5 pancakes (made with egg whites and light soy milk), Sugar Free syrup, 2 slices turkey bacon.
S: 2 chocolate wafers, 2 pieces chocolate
L: Chips and salsa, green salad with: lettuce, grilled chicken, sunflower seeds, vinaigrette + tamalito
S: Non fat sugar free child’s size frozen yogurt, Kashi bar, 1 slice Dutch bread, 2 pieces chocolate
D: small portion macaroni and cheese, protein w/ water, 1 glass champagne

Sunday’s Intake:
B: Whole wheat toast w/ fat free cottage cheese + 5 olives
L: 16 oz. Jamba Juice (soy milk, ice, strawberries, protein powder)
S: Kashi Go Lean bar
D: small piece lean steak (carne asada), 5 olives, grapefruit w/ Splenda

Hello Monday:
Here I am ready to hit this week out of the park! I started the week off with 45 minutes cardio…woo hoo! And now I’m ready to tackle my 4 meetings today. It’s going to be a busy day I can tell. This morning on the treadmill I had another day where I wanted to keep jogging even when the 45 minutes came. It feels good having energy :)

I woke up and went to the gym today despite my hubby discouraging me AGAIN saying “It’s too windy and stormy outside, I don’t want you to get in a wreck”. He was being discouraging yesterday too, but in a nice way I guess. I’ve been wanting to go to this tea parlor for MONTHS and we never have gotten around to going. I love English tea…scones w/ Devonshire and jam, tea cookies, cold sandwiches…yummy! Well he wanted to take me there Sunday and I told him that was very nice but I will only be able to have the tea because I’m on my diet. He asked me over and over that morning: “Can’t you make an exception this morning?”. I know that if I start making “exceptions” I will never stop. I already have my cheat day and that’s enough.

Am I eating too little or too much? I would like to add up my calories for the last three days on fitday.com….I’m curious to see. I’ve got to weigh myself this Wednesday…4 week mark…I BETTER have a loss!

Day 24

I want to be able to walk on the beach without grabbing a towel.

Yesterday’s Intake:

BW: whole wheat toast with fat free cottage cheese
B: Protein powder w/ water
S: grilled tofu, ½ cucumber, tomatoes, vinaigrette
L: Kashi Go Lean cereal, light soy milk, protein w/ water, broccoli/carrots w/ ICBINB spray
S: Fat free cottage cheese + blueberries + 1 oz. almonds
D: asparagus and tofu baked with vinaigrette

I’m Pooped:
I am so exhausted today! And I’m so happy it is Friday so that I can rest tomorrow and Sunday. I have been working SO hard at work. We are moving offices December 30th so for the past two days I have been cleaning/packing/recycling our offices’ attic, today I should be done finally. Anyways, we have a huge office and I have been going up and down two flights of stairs carrying heavy bins full of recycle and trash to the parking lot outside and lifting and sorting heavy boxes in the attic….all day yesterday and all day today. This has been a workout in itself!

Then last night I watched a movie with my hubby and didn’t get to sleep until about 10pm. I SO did not want to get up today. Usually by the time I get to the gym and get on the treadmill to start my cardio, I’ve woken up by then…not today! Today I was still tired throughout the whole workout. I really really had to kick myself in the butt to do my cardio at my normal level. But I did! :)

Trainer’s Tips:
Okay so the trainer that has been giving me tips told me that it’s preferable that I do the “pushing” exercises and “pulling” exercises not only separate but on different days. (see yesterday’s blog) What this pretty much means is that I should only focus on two-three muscles a day to work on, vs. upper body one day and lower body the next. Which basically means: I need to do more days of strength training than just two.

He generously offered to spend some time with me next week and show me what he does with the women he trains. He was telling me about a woman he is training right now. He said she started out 4 weeks ago with “cottage cheese thighs” and now after just 4 weeks she has really really transformed her legs.

My gym offers five 25 minute training sessions for $99. I was wondering if I should take advantage of that (since it’s only 25 minutes I could go during my lunch and just do cardio in the mornings) and get a routine that will really help me get results. But should I if the trainers already offering to show me stuff for free? I don’t want to be like taking advantage of him.

What do you girls think?

Day 23

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Great athletes with great bodies. So jealous.

Yesterday’s Intake:
B: Protein powder w/ water
S: grilled tofu, ½ cucumber, tomatoes, vinaigrette, ½ avocado
L: sweet potato w/ ICBINB spray and cinnamon, chicken, broccoli
S: Protein powder w/ water + grapefruit w/ Splenda
D: Smart Ones frozen meal: chicken and green beans

Upper Body Workout:
A trainer was nice enough to help me out again today with my upper body workout. He’s always helping me out when he passes by and sees that I need an adjustment. He suggested that when working my upper body, to do all the “pulling” exercises together then do all the “pushing” exercises together, not mix and match. So I started with the pulling machine (don’t know actual name) that works my back and biceps. Then I went to the bicep machine then back to the pulling machine then more biceps. Then I started the “pushing” machines that work pecs and triceps and when back and forth between them. Well I’m not sure if I was doing it 100% the right way, but I sure felt like I fatigued my muscles more J Then I did abs.

I hope I’m doing enough weight training. I do cardio 3 times a week and weight training only 2 times a week. I don’t know.

Reduced Intake:
I better have a loss of at least 2 lbs. come next Wednesday!!! I’ve been eating about 1400 calories lately. I don’t know what I’m going to do if I lost just one pound over 2 weeks again. I think I’ll cry or scream.

Day 22

This is how excercise makes me feel...usually :)


Yesterday’s Intake:

BW: whole wheat toast and fat free cottage cheese
AW: Protein powder w/ water
S: grilled tofu, ½ cucumber, tomatoes, vinaigrette,
L: Kashi Go Lean cereal, light soy milk, broccoli w/ ICBINB spray
S: homemade blueberry “pudding” (blueberries, fat free cottage cheese, cinnamon blended) 1 oz. almondsD: chicken breast + orange

Skipped the Gym Today:
No I have not fallen off the wagon. I have been eating completely nutritiously all day and fully intend on going to the gym tomorrow morning. I just needed a break. It was really really nice getting to sleep a little more. It was also….good for my soul…getting to drive to work in daylight. I really live in such a beautiful area (wine country of Northern California) and I never get to see it. I’ve been leaving the house in the pitch dark and coming home in the pitch dark. It can kind of be depressing.

Anyways, I really enjoyed part of the book Body for Life for Women that talked about the “falling off the wagon” mentality. It encouraged progress vs. perfection. Women (especially me) tend to strive for perfection in dieting and exercise. When they sleep in one morning or eat a piece of chocolate cake, they feel that they have messed up their perfect score and might as well give up. This is the kind of attitude I need to avoid! The book encouraged PLANNING for slip ups and planning about how to not let them bring you down. Just get back to the gym tomorrow.

Day 21

Britney Spears transformation:
Before: (looks like a photo of me, without the cellulite I have)


After:


Yesterday’s Intake:

BW: low fat cottage cheese and Kashi whole wheat bar
AW: Protein powder w/ water
S: grilled tofu, ½ cucumber, tomatoes, vinaigrette, ½ avocado
L: chicken/broccoli stirfry + pear
S: : Protein powder w/ water + grapefruit and Splenda
D: South Beach frozen pizza (whole wheat crust, chicken, tomatoes, spinach, low fat cheese) + protein w/ water

Hubby Being Discouraging Again:
My husband is still complaining that I’m waking him up so early in the morning and he can’t get back to sleep. He’s saying things like “I’ll be happy when this gym thing is over”. I’m like, “It’s not going to be over” and he’s like “Maybe you can do the gym every other month”. I’m thinking “NO!” I know that if I even miss one or two days, I will so easily get back out of the habit of going to the gym that I won’t go back. I know it. There is absolutely no other time that I can work out, it HAS to be before work. I can’t do it on my lunch break and I can’t do it after work, it’s IMPOSSIBLE. I’m putting my foot down on this one. I am NOT going to stop going to the gym, he just needs to live with it. Maybe I can buy him sleeping pills.

Reduced Intake:
Yesterday was the first day of my reduced intake. It didn’t exactly turn out as planned but I think it was okay. I’m trying to limit myself to protein drinks and really limit myself to bars. And I was SOOOO stressed out at work yesterday that I didn’t have time to make the sweet potato that I had planned for lunch. Then my hubby was nice enough to heat up a frozen meal for me (we don’t have a microwave so frozen meals take like 45 minutes to heat up in the oven) so it would be ready when I got home from work. But unfortunately it was not the low-carb dinner I had planned it was pizza, whole wheat and low fat pizza but still. But I think it was still okay because I had skipped the sweet potato earlier.

Gym Today:
I did my leg workout this morning. When I get a chance I really want to research more about how to improve my routine and to insure my diet is appropriate for my goals.

Day 20

This is what I have in my head while I run on the treadmill: Strong woman. Strong mind. I love how running seems to make me feel connected to my body like never before.

Friday’s Intake:

BW: wheat toast w/ low fat cottage cheese
AW: Protein powder w/ water
S: Whole wheat toast, tuna, pickle, ½ cucumber, vinagrette
L: Whole Wheat pita, grilled chicken, cucumber, tomatoes, peppercinis, black olives, low fat tzatziki sauce.
S: Fat Free Yogurt and almonds
D: protein powder w/ water, few bites veggie soup, 4 whole wheat tortilla chips w/ hummus

Saturday’s Intake (Cheat Day):
B: 2 protein pancakes (egg whites, protein powder, oatmeal, cinnamon, salt, Splenda), sugar free syrup, 3 turkey bacon slices
S: Kashi whole grain bar
L: 2 slices chicken/artichoke/mozzarella pizza, cream soda, tootsie pop
S: 1 cup caramel corn, 2 small pieces chocolate, 1 (5 inch) pretzel stick covered in chocolate and caramel, 1 small piece toffee
D: protein w/ water, 1 glass cabernet sauvignon, whole wheat (Kashi) pesto pasta, edamame

Sunday’s Intake:
B: Protein w/ water, oatmeal w/ dried cranberries and sugar free syrup
D: 1 tamale (2 inches masa wrapped in collard green), salad w/ tomatoes, carrots, lettuce and ranch, boiled pork and salsa
S: Kashi whole wheat bar

Morning From Hell:
This morning I’m on the second day of my period. I wake up crampy and icky from my period. I put on my gym clothes and walk outside to warm up the car. It’s pitch black and freezing. Then I discover I stepped in a FAT pile of dog poop so I spent about 10 minutes with my gym shoe under the faucet trying to clean it off…gross. Then I burned my toast so I just quickly ate a few bites of the cottage cheese and grabbed a Kashi bar. It’s better than nothing. I was pretty proud of myself that I even made it to the gym, there wasn’t many people there, I’m sure the bad weather discouraged them.

But once I got started on my cardio I did great :) I even didn’t want to stop when the 45 minute mark came, can you believe it? I think I could have jogged right on.

Women Diet Saboteurs:
Women are so complicated. If a guy tries to eat healthier, sure his buddies will tease him a bit about it but that’s it. Women are different. I think we would all agree that many, many women are insecure about their bodies. I also think that women are constantly comparing themselves to other women. When one woman goes on a diet and is staying strong in a social setting, I feel that this can sometimes strike a jealousy chord deep inside of the other women. I’ll admit I have felt it. When I see a skinnier woman eat healthier at a social gathering full of temptations - and I am eating like a pig - part of me is angry at myself for not having that same willpower and not having that body. Women are very competitive. Is it just me, but is it women who try to sabotage women dieters the most? They are always pushing their cupcakes, bacon, cheesecake etc. on me, never men. Is it because they are secretly angry that they are not strong enough to eat healthy?

Not Eating Enough:
Now that I’m writing down my intake, I’m starting to notice a pattern: I don’t eat enough on Sundays. We sleep in till 10am and have breakfast. Then we drive off to church at 12:15, church is 1pm-3pm, then we hang around socializing until about 3:30pm, then sometimes we go over to someone’s house for dinner and I don’t eat until about 5pm, then I get home at around 7pm and all I had was breakfast and dinner!

And it makes it worse when the dinner we get invited to has no healthy options. I later found out that the hostess put together a salad JUST FOR ME yesterday when she found out I’m on a diet. I felt guilty and embarrassed when I heard this. I did eat a large portion of salad, but I didn’t eat much else because the other stuff was very fattening. I had 1 small tamale and some of the pork (I actually thought it was chicken and put a lot on my plate, then they told me it was pork and I only ate about half and then gave the rest to my husband).

I think I should bring snacks with me next Sunday.

Day 17

Yesterday’s Intake:
BW: wheat toast w/ low fat cottage cheese
AW: Protein powder w/ water
S: grilled chicken, cherry tomatoes, ½ avocado, organic vinaigrette
L: Jamba Juice original size Protein Workout without banana (soy milk, ice, strawberries, protein)
S: Red apple w/ low fat cottage cheese and cinnamon, protein bar
D: protein powder w/ water and fat free yogurt

Crazy Cravings:
Okay yesterday I got my first crazy craving since I started. I wanted chocolate and carbs soooo bad yesterday afternoon at work. I wanted chocolate cake or a hot dog or pizza. I think it is because I’m about to start my period. Or it could be that I decided to just have Jamba Juice for lunch (because I wanted something sand that wasn’t enough. But I surprisingly stayed strong. I had already eaten my planned snack of apple and cottage cheese. That just didn’t cut it. Then I tried having some more herbal tea. Nope. After about an hour of agony…I remembered I had a protein bar that I got as a free sample. I ate it and it was PERFECT. Totally felt better afterward.

Mind you, this wasn’t one of those huge, 500 calorie, 25 grams fat bulking protein bar. It was a sensible 4 inches. I try to avoid protein bars because I’d say about 80% of the kind that have enough protein are too high in fat and calories. And the ones that aren’t too high in calories and fat (these are usually marketed to women) usually don’t have enough protein to make a difference. So I won’t plan it into my regular eating schedule but…maybe I should buy some sensible chocolate flavored ones to be prepared for a chocolate craving like this, because they beat out a Snicker’s bar any day.

Sweet Little Lies:
I was at the gym this morning (45 minutes cardio) after my shower and I was putting on my lotion and I SWEAR my legs felt more muscular. It’s probably just me because they still LOOK the same. But in my hands they felt like there was more muscle. Even if it is just all in my head, I’m going to continue telling myself it’s real so that I can motivate myself. Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies.

I’m determined to stick to my leg workout. I was reading in a forum yesterday about how this girl noticed that her legs had grown ½ inch after weeks of lifting weights w/ her legs. She wanted to quit right then and there because NO girl wants their legs to get larger. But everyone kept encouraging her to stick to it, that abandoning her leg workout was probably the worst thing she could do. Many of the women (totally fit women with great looking bodies) commented that the same thing happened to them for weeks or months when they first started out. What happens is for some reason, women’s legs are the last part to start losing body fat. They noticed fat loss in their faces, their arms, even their tummies…then after a long time finally they started to see the fat loss in their legs which then revealed all the muscle that they had been developing all along.

This seems to be logical to me, I mean if I think back to the order in which I started gaining weight in the first place (puberty) the legs and hips were the first, only many years later did I start to gain weight around my tummy and my arms. So I guess it makes since that the oldest pockets of fat are the toughest to get rid of.



Nomination:

Thank you for nominating me, Darci :) Come check out her site: http://darcithelbloser.blogspot.com/

Day 16

Yesterday’s Intake:
BW: wheat toast w/ low fat cottage cheese
AW: Protein powder w/ water
S: grilled chicken, cherry tomatoes, ½ avocado, organic vinaigrette
L: brown rice sushi: raw tuna, slivers of avocado, nori, low sodium soy sauce + grapefruit w/ Splenda
S: Fat Free yogurt, 1 oz. almondsD: protein powder w/ water

My Plan to Cut my Caloric Intake:
So yesterday I came to the realization that I’m eating really healthy but I need to hack off about 800-900 calories from what I’ve been eating in order to lose weight. Wow it was difficult. It’s hard trying to plan my diet around: busy schedule, tight budget and making sure the food I plan is appetizing/satisfying enough that I will actually end up eating it when it’s 4pm and all I can think of is carbs and chocolate. Here is my plan to cut the calories:
- Switch from low-fat to non-fat cottage cheese
- Carb-free dinners (like veggies and chicken)
- Healthier cheat day
- Mix protein shakes w/ water instead of milk
- Limit healthy fat consumption
- Switch tofu or egg whites for chicken

None of these will be easy. And they aren’t cold hard rules just something to shoot for when planning my meals. Hopefully I will stay satisfied. I really crave carbs the later in the day it gets, a baked sweet potato with dinner is always so satisfying. And veggies REALLY don’t appeal to me for dinner. But I had to cut back SOMEWHERE so I decided to follow the encouragement from Body for Life for Women: limit carbs for dinner. Because you likely will not burn it off before you get to sleep, whereas if you eat them for breakfast or lunch you still have hours to burn them off before bedtime.

And I will continue to have my cheat day, but I will try to make healthy versions of the food I love. Instead of blueberry pancakes w/ blueberry syrup (210 calories for 2 tbl.!) I plan to make “protein pancakes” a recipe I found from many body builder’s and put sugar-free pancake syrup on it (only 35 calories for 2 tbl.) we will see how that tastes.

I Want Muscles:
This morning it was TOUGH to get up. Thursday mornings are going to be the hardest I think, because I don’t get home from church Wednesday until close to 10pm which means I don’t get in bed until about 10:30. Then 5:00am comes rolling around and the bed is so warm and it’s so cold and dark outside. Also because my muscles have been sore and laying there is a much more comfortable option. Nevertheless, I got up and went to the gym and did upper body and abs resistance training. I was actually thinking of that pic I posted of Madonna yesterday while I was kicking my butt on the triceps machine. I want muscles! I want to lose this fat!

The Bottom Line:
I just keep telling myself that if I stick to it at least until February 4 it will be worth it. I just have to endure a few weeks of 1,300-1,400 calorie days. Just a few weeks of the gym everyday. Then I can go back to eating the 2,000 HEALTHY calories and maybe only go to the gym 3-4 days a week and maintain my trim figure (hopefully it will be trim by then).

Day 15

Yesterday's Intake:

BW: Wheat toast w/ low fat cottage cheese
AW: Protein powder w/ water
S: grilled chicken, cucumber, cherry tomatoes, 1/2 avocado, vinegrette
L: Tuna, 1 pickle, 1 slice whole wheat bread
S: red apple, low fat cottage cheese, cinnamon
D: 1 portion whole wheat pasta, stewed tomatoes, garlic and protein powder w/ water
S: fat free yogurt



Finally Weighed Myself:
It's been two weeks since I started eating healthy and going to the gym. Ya wanna know how much I lost???? 1 lb. That's right, just 1 measly little pound. I've been kicking myself in the butt for 2 weeks and all I lost was 1 pound.



I'm trying to not get discouraged because I know better. I know that the number on the scale is such a bad representation of the changes in my body. Body fat is a much better way to show progress, as well as how clothes are fitting. But I feel like this is just one more obstacle I have to try to hurdle to stay on track.



Is this normal? Should I change something? I know I am already doing my very, very best at the gym. I can't possible work out any harder or more frequently than I already am.



What about my food? Am I eating too much? I haven't been counting calories, I've just been trying to eat the right foods. So just to be curious, I plugged in everything I ate yesterday and it turned out to be a whopping 2,000 calories!!!! Last time I was counting my calories, I was pretty much anorexic and anything over 1,200 was forbidden. So this is sort of a shock.

I just did the math about how much calories are burned for my body in 1 day. The answer was approximately 2,191....I guess that's my answer right there, I am eating too much! I'm eating a healthy diet that would MAINTAIN my weight, but I need to create a daily deficit much higher than 191 calories. To lose about one-two pounds a week my daily deficit needs to be more like 1,000. (if anyone is curious about how I did any of my math, let me know and I'll tell you how. I took a 6 week nutrition course about 2 years ago and learned alot, I also have read ALOT of books about nutrition) Also, I should continue to try and make good choices on my cheat day.



Okay so it looks like I need to rework my diet plan today.....

Fat Burner Update:

Yesterday I posted my miserable reaction to Lipo 6 fat burner that I got as a free sample....well I took only 1 pill yesterday instead of 2 and I was fine. Still trying to decide whether or not I should buy a bottle.

I am the Cardio Queen:

Did 45 minutes of cardio today...huffing puffing sweating cardio. I've been doing good I think.

12 week Program:
Even though I started with my 1 year wedding anniversary as my date (fifty eight days) I will continue the challenge through to February 4. Because that will make it 12 weeks, to go along with the Body For Life challenge. Then hopefully I will not stop after that!

It always helps me to have a special occasion in the future to keep my goals in mind. In March there will be an assembly for my religion. We have these about 3 times a year and they last about 1-3 days. It's always a time that we get to enjoy spiritual encouragement and fellowship with friends we haven't seen in a while who are from other congregations. Anyways, it's a time where alot of women buy new dress outfits. These are always motivating times for me to lose weight so that I can buy a new dress and look great and feel confident when I see all my old friends (and perhaps ex boyfriends.) Come March (and there's another in June) I want to be able to wear a nice dress and love the feeling of being fit. I want to be able to wear a sleeveless dress in June and have biceps and triceps. That is what I keep on thinking about :) A la Madonna: she always shows her strong arms even in the most feminine clothes:

Empowering Article:
Found this article and it has stuck in my mind:

A Woman's Battle: Fighting the Perception of Femininity
By Lisa Sutton:

On the way to the gym the other day, while stopped at a red light, I happened to see two teen-aged girls, probably no more than fourteen or fifteen, walking down the sidewalk - certainly not a sight that would ever command my attention beyond a passing glance if that. However, these two young girls captured my attention. They wore tight, sleeveless half shirts and shorts cut high onto their thighs.

Immediately, I noticed that both of them were rail thin. I was thunderstruck. I couldn't believe my eyes! From where I sat in my car, I could see their collarbones. Their arms and legs were so thin that their knee and elbow joints looked disproportionately large and out of place. I watched them pass by and as they continued down the sidewalk, I couldn't help but note their protruding shoulder blades.
A few weeks later, mental images of these two young girls re-emerged as I leafed through a Victoria's Secret catalogue and noticed all of the waif-like figures that filled its pages. On every single page were images of the most unhealthy, mousy-looking women that I'd ever seen in my entire life. If women are supposed to strive to look like the models in these catalogues, then we are all in really big trouble.
Is this really the personification of "attractive" or what women in this society think that they are supposed to emulate to be desirable? As opposed to confident, self-assured young women, these women appear weak and sickly.
In my opinion, they look like victims, subject to anyone's whim. It's disgusting. So, what happens? Teenage girls are inundated with these images of what the media considers "attractive" and end up looking like they just stepped out of the cemetery. Personally, I think that it's absolutely criminal.
Intent upon understanding this mindset from the inside, I asked one of my training clients who once admitted that she struggles with her own body image. To give you some perspective, this woman is young, early twenties, attractive, and very, very, thin. Recently, she renounced her obsession with the scale and decided that she wanted to train with weights so she hired me and together, we began the journey toward physical fitness and self-awareness.
Through the course of our conversation, I learned that many of her contemporaries refused to lift weights as they were utterly convinced that lifting weights would give them bulging muscles and make them "look like men." She explained that her decision to weight train met with some stiff resistance from her comrades. Apparently, to these women, an increase in muscularity is synonymous with relinquishing their "femininity."
Which makes sense considering that to facilitate the efficient use of a bow and arrow, legend has it that upon the birth of a female infant, the Amazons would sear one breast so that it would not develop. Consequently, the mere mention of the word "weight lifting," to most women brings to the forefront mental pictures of humongous, breast-less, likely unattractive, physically imposing women.
So, on one end of the continuum lie images of massive female warriors which society condemns and on the other end, lie images of wafer-thin models which society considers feminine and attractive. Given many women's association of increased muscularity with Amazonian-type, "manly" physiques, its not at all surprising that young girls strive to become paper thin thus "feminine" which results in malnourished, underdeveloped teen-aged girls that remain little better than one meal away from their coffins. Outright criminal.

Every time that I train a woman, I am fighting against the images of what this society considers "attractive" and "desirable." With every single repetition, my female clients are waging a battle within. On the one hand, they want to be healthy and physically fit but on the other hand, they are deathly afraid that lifting weights and increasing muscularity will make them look too "masculine" thus undesirable.
I have one question. Since when did men obtain a monopoly on muscularity? When did it come about that muscular men are attractive and muscular women are amazons? What is to be gained by keeping women from developing their physiques to their maximum genetic capabilities? Do women that weight train transform into The Hulk?.
Absolutely not. Why? Because women just do not have the requisite testosterone to build large, bulging muscles. Absent anabolic steroids, it ain't gonna happen.
What I have noticed, however, is that when women weight train and begin to fill out their own physical frames, they begin an inner transformation. These women experience an increased sense of self-esteem, a more positive self-image, and become much more self-assured. Women, who previously apologized for their very existence by walking with their heads down and shoulders slumped, walk a little bit taller and exude a bit more self-confidence.
Instead of attempting to erase their own existence with a wafer-thin appearance, women that strive toward fitness by developing their physiques and increasing their strength command power through their very presence. Are these "amazon-like," "masculine," thus undesirable attributes? Well, I suppose that it depends upon whom you ask.

To those that find themselves threatened by a self-assured woman, strength and muscularity are undesirable; i.e. "amazon-like." But, for those that are internally secure - a woman that commits to developing her muscles and increasing her strength; are the pinnacle of attractive and does not rival a woman's "femininity."
For my money; strength, muscular development and femininity are not inversely related. On the contrary, increased strength and muscularity are the cornerstones upon which to build an unwavering self-image and an unforgiving sense of self-confidence.

If you are a woman that battles with self-image ask yourself this, do you want the power to define your own self and what is considered feminine, attractive and desirable or are you willing to merely accept what the media shoves down your throat.
Women need to reclaim the power to define what is feminine, attractive and desirable. Take control and define your own self. At the end of the day, the choice remains entirely yours.

Day 14

So many motivating photos of strong bodies on bodybuilding.com...I wish I can be on there one day.

I am a strong and powerful woman!!!!!

Yesterday’s Intake:

BW: wheat toast w/ low fat cottage cheese
AW: Protein powder w/ water
S: grilled chicken, cherry tomatoes, ½ avocado, organic vinaigrette
L: tuna fish, pickle, 2 slices whole wheat bread, 1 grapefruit w/ Splenda
S: Fat Free yogurt, 1 oz. almonds
D: beans w/ 2 tbl. BBQ sauce, protein shake w/ light soy milk

Confused about Healthy Fats:
Yeah yeah yeah, I know that I should already know this with all my knowledge about nutrition but….is eating healthy fats good or bad for losing fat? When dieting in the past, I always avoided foods like almonds and avocados knowing that they have lots of good fats but fats none the less. It just seems logical that if you are trying to LOSE fat on your body, you shouldn’t voluntarily EAT fat. But there are so many articles about how avocados and almonds are good for your health. So I’m confused. But I did notice that on the Body for Life website they list avocado as a permitted fat but not almonds. Does that mean almonds are worse? Nevertheless, I plan to eat both this week regularly because I like them and they keep me filling full.

Review of Lipo 6:
I’m usually against all those supplements that people take – bodybuilder or couch potato – because I pretty much believe that they are all one big marketing hoax. They are always really expensive and I think I can lose weight and gain muscle the old-fashioned way: diet and exercise. But….

Yesterday I got my shipment from bodybuilding.com :) With my multi-vitamins and protein. I was excited! I got a sample pack so I get to try all the different flavors of protein powders. This is something I drink daily so I’m excited to mix it up a bit. Anyways, they had this fat burner Lipo 6 and Lipo 6 for Women. They were free samples so I went ahead and tried the woman one.

OMG! I was miserable for about three hours afterwards. Maybe it’s because I took two capsules, maybe I should have taken just one to start out. Or maybe it’s because there is caffeine in them. I was once a total caffeine addict: 2 cups of coffee everyday an energy drink every other day. Now I might have one or the other about every 2 months. I drink decaf green tea every morning instead and every now and then I’ll have ½ of a Decaf 5 Hour Energy. So needless to say caffeine REALLY affects me now. I had a headache and my stomach was churning and I was shaky it was horrible.

Now I have two capsules left (one serving) and I’m trying to decide whether I should take just one at a time with food. I guess it’s so tempting because I’m secretly hoping it will work and burn some fat.

My Workout Routine:
Here is the basic workout routine I have made for myself:
Monday: 45 minutes cardio on treadmill
Tuesday: 10 minutes warm up on treadmill, 30 minutes resistance training on lower body. 5 minutes resistance on abs and crunches.
Wednesday: 45 minutes cardio on treadmill
Thursday: 10 minutes warm up on treadmill, 30 minutes resistance training on upper body. 5 minutes resistance on abs and crunches.
Friday: 45 minutes cardio on treadmill

I wish I could have a fitness buff/bodybuilder check out my weight training because I feel like it’s something I’ve yet to master. I always feel like everyone is looking at me and critiquing me. Like watching how small of weights I use or thinking about how I’m standing the wrong way. Fortunately it seems to be improving (slightly) now that I’m going regularly. Because I’m a tiny bit more comfortable and there are some familiar faces. Like today this trainer that works there was really nice to give me some tips on this hamstring machine.

I want to be stronger and firmer so bad.

Still haven't weighed myself:
It's been two weeks. Should I do it? What if I didn't lose any weight? That would be really discouraging. Should I do it every two weeks? I'm thinking of being chicken and doing it like every 4 weeks.

Day 13

This is what I wish I looked like in jeans. (from bodybuilding.com) For some reason I can NEVER look skinny in jeans.

I’m pretty proud of how I did over the 4 day weekend:

Wednesday’s Intake:
BW: Protein Powder w/ light soy milkAW: Protein Powder w/ waterS: 2 egg whites, 1 yoke, oatmeal w/ dried cranberries and Splenda
L: 2 Wheat tortillas w/ chicken, green salsa, 1 tsp sour cream, hummus and edamameS: Green Apple w/ Peanut ButterD: 1 serving Smart Start cereal (dry), Progresso Low Fat Beef Vegetable soup
S: Protein w/ light soy milk

Thursday’s Intake:
B: Smart Start w/ Light soy milk, protein powder w/ water
S: Protein powder w/ waterL: Whole wheat pita, grilled chicken, cucumber, tomato, black olives, peppercinis, low fat tzatzaki sauce.
S: Grapefruit w/ 1 tsp sugar
D: Protein powder w/ light soy milk, sweet potato w/ ICBINB spray and cinnamon

Friday’s Intake:
B: 3 egg whites, oatmeal w/ cranberries, real maple syrup.L: Progresso low fat Beef Vegetable soup, grapefruit w/ ½ tsp sugar.S: Kashi cereal barD: small piece lean beef (carne asada), sweet potato w/ ICBINB and cinnamon, protein shake w/ light soy milk

Saturday’s Intake (Cheat Day):
B: 1 Blueberry pancake, 1 piece bacon, protein powder w/ waterS: 1 small piece toffee, few rice cake minis, sour candyL: 6 oz sirloin steak w/ A1 Sauce, 6 oz chili, green salad w/ ranch, 1 rollS: Non Fat no sugar added frozen yogurt w/ mochi
S: 2 glasses white zinfandel

Sunday’s Intake:B: Whole Wheat toast w/ cottage cheese, grapefruit w/ ½ tsp sugarL: Jamba Juice 16 oz strawberries, soy ilk, ice + protein D: 3 brussel sprouts fried, ½ portion sweet potato w/ cinnamon, lots of skinless white turkey breast, gravy.

4 Day Weekend WooHoo!:
I diligently wrote down everything I ate over the 4 day weekend and I did make it to the gym on Thursday and did 45 minutes cardio. I knew it would be a struggle going to the gym, because I live about 30 minutes away from the gym. The only reason I go to it is because it’s sort of the half way point between my house and my work, so when I’m not at work I’m basically doing 1 hour driving time to just go to the gym.

Cheat day I took my hubby to Texas Roadhouse, this restaurant with really great steak and ribs. Their hot rolls are TO DIE FOR, they melt in your mouth….yummy! I promised myself I would only have 1 roll even though I was on my cheat day and I did J

Stubborn Cook:
We don’t really celebrate Thanksgiving, but we got an impromptu invitation to dinner after church at a friend’s house…which ended up being basically a huge Thanksgiving dinner: turkey, stuffing, gravy, brussel sprouts (fried in bacon grease), white potatoes and sweet potatoes, cheese smothered cauliflower, wine and ice cream.

I let my friend the hostess know that I would eat only the sweet potatoes and the turkey breast. But she is one of those chubby people who push fatty foods on you (I love her to death but that is how she is) and she put the brussel sprouts and the gravy on my plate insisting that I eat it. Talk about a difficult situation. I mean the food is ON MY PLATE and the cook is staring right at me. So I ate three of the brussel sprouts, I don’t even like them and I knew that they were sautéed in bacon grease. Besides that I think I did pretty well.

Pushing Myself Harder:
On Thursday and this morning in cardio I pushed myself way farther than I have been. Remember I said I listen to the CD with the personal trainer and that it lasts only 30 minutes? Well I’ve been rewinding it and doing the workout part twice, which ends up being exactly 45 minutes with the warm up and cool down. I also have moved up my “steady state” which is what I do in between sprints and hills, before I was walking and now I’m doing a slow jog. I feel so good after the cardio, I’m all red-faced and sweating and I feel great.

I Read the Book:
Over the wonderfully-lazy-yet-still-on-track weekend, I read Body For Life for Women cover to cover. What a great read. I’ve been somewhat following the Body for Life philosophies that I have been able to gather from their website already, so I figured I’d read the book. I chose to read the “woman” version. I loved it! It has such a “You Go Girl!” type of message. Very tailored to women and the daily struggles we meet in our various stages of life, as well as our unique emotional struggles with weight loss. The transformation stories were so inspiring. It was great reading about women of all ages and lifestyles speak of their physical, mental and emotional 12-week transformation.

The only difference I noted was in the diet, I think the original Body for Life is what encourages the “cheat day” which is what I have been doing. The Body for Life for Women doesn’t have a cheat day but simply encourages one to eat clean for 80% of the time and to indulge in “mini chills” like having a little chocolate when you need it and savoring it. Well, personally the cheat day works just fine for me. I think if I allowed myself mini chills I would too easily fall off the wagon into Chocolate Land. So I’m going to stick to the original Body for Life, it’s working for me.